Create Peace Within and Without
Featured in Creating Community Magazine's March, 2011 Issue
By Nina K. Sidell, M.A
As a person living in today’s world, finding time and space to call your own is a rare commodity and much needed necessity. You’ve got your family, friends, job, fitness and social needs to think of. Modern life has become more of a balancing act to get it right for each person, than ever before. You have to become master of your own ship, steering yourself in positive, healthy directions finding ways to get back on track if you wander away from your course. Sometimes in relationships, learning how to emotionally detach is a lifesaver. You learn to interact as best as you can in the moment. Sometimes, it’s the setting of your own personal boundaries that keep a close relationship feeling comfortable, safe and emotionally manageable. You can stay loving, interested and involved, yet protect yourself from absorbing another person’s negativity, drama and self-involvement. You do this with clarity, respect, consistency and strength.
Relationships require your emotional, intellectual, physical time and energy investment. In the current culture, coping with lack of sleep, constant new challenges, technologies to learn and making a living is of utmost importance. It seems that it’s challenging to find enough time to stop and smell the roses; we zooming travelers miss a lot of details, especially for healthy relationships along the way. If you’re not paying close attention, your personal needs can get squelched when you remain focused on outside matters and influences.
Keep in mind that it’s essential to learn how to best take care of you while taking care of others. Self-care is a lost art. Set limits on length of time, subject of conversation, noticing how you feel with others all contribute to your own self-care. Take space to do what calms you, empowers you, and regenerates your mind, body and spirit. Being emotionally and sometimes physically detached around those who trigger negative emotions in you allows you to do just this. You choose to surround yourself with whom and what nurtures you. You are allowed to protect your sense of harmony and safety. That is your right. Many Americans have experienced learning how to relate in dysfunctional family relationships where violations and manipulations of personal rights run rampant. Sometimes the emotional, intellectual and physical time and space needs of another trump your own. Look at where you’ve learned how to relate, give and receive love, commitment and group cohesion. That’s where you see where the story originated and that’s where you can grow from.
Ironically, we live in a world in need of more connection filled with narcissists and competitors. Egos compete for attention, overt sexuality and successes are more important than the inner world of each soul. The goal is to find balance between your needs and the needs of those in your life. When you learn that you are a priority in your life and that you teach others how to treat you, you are truly free…and after all, isn’t that the goal? Nina practices as a therapist, life coach, speaker and writer and can be contacted at: www.inspiringcoaching.com.
Nina K. Sidell, M.A.
www.inspiringcoaching.com
215-628-0282